Let me tell you a little something about me. I LOVE FOOD. I love Indian food, Thai food, Mediterranean Food, Bahamian Food, American Food, Italian Food… Yeah I think you get it. I just love food.
I get really irritated with bad food … And even moreso, bad food coupled with HORRIBLE SERVICE! Words cannot express the way my head begins to spin everytime I have to pay for service and receive some smart ass or short answer with the occasional neck roll and “cut eye”. Grrrrrrrrrr.
So anyways, I’m at McDonald’s and to be honest, it is pretty much THE SLOWEST FAST FOOD restaurant in The Bahamas! How the hell do you call yourself a FAST FOOD restaurant when you take 30 minutes to give me a gaddamned Filet-O-Fish?! [Oh the IRONY!] So anyways, I’m on the drive thru and there are honestly two cars in the front of me. And not like way in the front, I’m talkin’ about I drove up to the window as soon as I got there. This is how the conversation went:
Attendant: Hi, welcome ta McDonald’s. I could take ya order?
Me: Hi! Umm, I’d like to have a filet o fish combo with a large sweet tea please. Thanks.
Attendant: [silence]
Me: Umm, hi? Did you get my order?
Attendant: Yeah. I gat it ya know.
Me: [IRRITATED chuckle] So what’s my total?
Attendant: Drive up ta da first winda please.
Me: [HUGE sigh] Okay.
At this point, I’m already pissed at this service cause homegirl’s tone wasn’t very nice but I don’t like extra stuff in my tartar sauce so I kept my cool. I pull up to the window and this triple color weave wearin thing was at the window poppin’ her gum like she needed a lunch break. I could only smile at this catastrophe so I politely asked, “Hi, what’s my total?” And this THING looked at me like I was stupid and says, “What you order again?”
Wow. Listen, everybody has a “jungaless” (a Bahamian word that means ghetto) card that they are allowed to use once a day and I opted to use mine. So I spoke in a language she could understand: “Sweet girl, you ain hear wen I order my sandwich at the window aye? It musse ain’t workin too good, but anyway gimme one a dem fish filet combos an a large dollar iced tea please?” And the girl smiled, showin all her gold teeth and was like, “Okay, no problem. You want the big big cup right?”
I was flabbergasted! You mean I had to get ghetto to order a sandwich? What if I was some unknowing tourist that didn’t fluently speak Bahamian junagless? The people probably would never get their order right! So anyway, I get my order in and pay. I drive up to the next window. And this girl who had to be Ghetto Girl’s light skinned sister came to the window and said, “You could hold on a minute please. We just put the fries down.”
Umm, okay.
Fast forward to twenty minutes later. WHY THE HELL AM I STILL AT THIS WINDOWWWWW?!?!!?! So I knock on the window and homeslice had the BALLS to tell me, “Miss I tell you we jus drop the fries, hol’ on. Other people inside order before you ya know.”
OH NO SHE DIDN’T! So I pulled into a parking spot and walked my cute lookin behind in the restaurant like I own it asking for the manager. And this woman had to be Ghetto mama with her 38 pieces of weave heavily laden down with tons of hairspray. This woman says to me, “Umm, the girl den tell you we jus put the fries down but if you want a Apple Pie for the wait, you could have it.”
I don’t wanna tell y’all what I told this woman. I’ll leave it to the imagination. But words like “imbecile” “simple-minded” “asinine” and “ignorant” were thrown around. So needless to say, I got my money back and politely went to Olives where I thoroughly enjoyed my fried calamari and Greek Salad. Paid like 4 times as much as I would at McDonald’s but I sure did get some awesome service. Shit, I even tipped the chick 5 bucks.
I wish I could say I’d never go back to McDonald’s again but I’d be lying. I’d just be sure to clear my schedule first.
